


I couldn't let him go

by archaeologist_d



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, M/M, Major character death - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 10:55:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5045593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archaeologist_d/pseuds/archaeologist_d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin's grief wouldn't let him say goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I couldn't let him go

I couldn't let him go.

Pushing the boat into the water, his bright hair golden in the sunlight, Arthur looked as if he were still asleep. But Mordred's sword-thrust had been a final blow. For all my strength, my magic had been useless against it.

Because of my failures, he'd never call me idiot again, never look at me with those blue eyes, never grin at me, mock me as only he could. He'd never know how much I loved him; in the end, I was too much a coward to tell him so and then it was too late.

Now, there was only the sound of water and the silence of words forever unspoken.

Floating away, my world, my Arthur, and nothing left but grief.

I knew I should use my magic, turn his bier into a raging inferno, give him a king's funeral, something worthy of him as I had never been.

It would be the final act, one he'd expect of me.

It had been different with the others. Will's body burning, a hero's end, and Freya, lovely Freya surrounded by flowers as I set her boat ablaze. Lancelot's body had been lost to the Dorocha - the true one, not that shade's corpse tossed into the cesspit as with all traitors; he'd been deserving of fire and light and acknowledgment and Arthur had honored him with a blaze at the heart of Camelot.

As Arthur should be honored. With a firestorm that would shatter the very bones of the world.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't let him go.

Instead he faded from sight, forever lost. Unburned, unburied.

And I sat down, waiting for the grief's fire in what was left of my heart to die, too. Knowing that it never would.

Because I couldn't let him go.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the BBC version of Merlin; It and Shine do. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No money has changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.


End file.
